John Gottman's research discovered that the Master's of relationships invest the time to stay connected to their mates. Based on that finding, Gottman proposes the following 5 Magic Hours to spend with your significant other each week.
PARTINGS Make sure you know one interesting thing that will happen in your partner's day that you can ask them about when you reunite. Then go your separate ways in the morning after a six-second kiss and an "I love you."
This only takes 2 minutes (1 minute per person) a day for 5 working days.
In total that's only 10 minutes of your time each week!
REUNIONS Reunite with a six-second kiss, followed by a stress-reducing conversation in which each of you share your frustrations, anxieties, and a brief recap of what happened in your day. Share good things too! Remember, this is a time for you and your partner to engage in active listening and provide emotional support. Active listening involves stopping what you are doing, turning off interference, and focusing on each other. Rule: Understanding must precede advice!
Spend 20 minutes (10 minutes each) a day for 5 days on reunions.
Total = 1 hour and 40 minutes/week.
ADMIRATION AND APPRECIATION Find some way every day to genuinely communicate admiration and appreciation toward your partner.
Dedicate 5 minutes a day to this for 7 days. Total of 35 minutes per week.
AFFECTION Kiss, hold, grab, touch! Playing together is a good thing, so don't forget to do it! Make sure to kiss each other before going to sleep and follow the admonition in Ephesians, “Do not let the sun set on your wrath.” Let it set on affection instead!
Spend 5 minutes of your day for 7 days on giving affection to your partner.
This comes to a total of 35 minutes each week.
LOVE MAPS Make sure to update your love maps (how well you know each other) and use them to create opportunities to turn toward one another. Set aside time for a date with your partner to catch up on their life and to just enjoy each other's company. Rule: Date night isn't the time to bring up issues, rather a time to have fun. Play time is important for everyone in the family, not just the kids!
Spend a total of at least 2 hours a week having this quality time together.
Even the smallest of changes
can have huge positive impacts on your relationship.
Make your relationship a priority!
Implement the Magic 5 Hours this week!
Give 100% and watch where it takes you...
Some couples will read this post and be able to implement the 5 Hours fairly easily, while other couples may need a bit more input. If you need help with this or any other marital issues, give Ann a call today!